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Dating

Photo by Nick Bianco

So far, internet dating has reminded me that people lie, a lot. Also, flamboyantly kissing a woman’s hand is not cool on that first coffee date but is apparently a trend. (It’s happened twice with two different men.) I’ve also learned that meeting someone for the first time for just coffee is a really good idea. And keeping my sense of humor is a necessity because I may get referred to as ‘fresh meat’ on one date and occasionally I won’t make someone else’s cut either.

I’ve been trying Match.com for about three weeks so far and it hasn’t been pretty. One man took the time to cynically explain to me how it all works and that lying is the norm – that’s why he does it – and other nuggets of wisdom like those who don’t have a picture are probably married, which was okay by him.

Thank goodness I’m packing a bit of faith in God or I’d give up right now. Dating is a rough sport. Thank goodness I also have friends who can laugh and then tell me to get back out there. I’m not sure I expect anything to really come of internet dating. I’m really trying to be willing and take some action. But it’d be nice if something positive happened even if it didn’t lead somewhere like a nice, long relationship or yes, even marriage at some point. So far, three coffee dates later I’m mostly left with the idea that this has been a lot like job hunting and not at all like the movies and maybe that’s a good thing to learn.

Just like a good job, I’m only looking for the one that I can fit in, be happy, be of service and have some fun. There may be a lot of false starts, horrible interviews or near misses but eventually I’ll catch on that I’m a lot like most everybody else and eventually, the right person will come along.

Until then, I’ll give Match.com the three months I said I would and I’ll go on about my life without making this a test of my self worth or whether or not God is present at all. That last one is not always easy but is a Truth that I keep learning, one day at a time. More adventures to follow.

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Photo by Sean Molin Photography

It’s been awhile since I’ve thought about dating. Okay, the extra 70 pounds may have had something to do with the long vacation but it’s equally as true that I put on the weight to hold men at bay.

Worked like a charm. I was everyone’s buddy, mother, sister, anything that was as far away from romantic as possible. The wise one who could listen to what was going wrong in your relationship or celebrate when it was going well. Anything but actually getting out there myself.

But if not now, when? Enough already, I’m willing to go on a few dates, be myself and let it be as big or as small as it turns out to be.

Here’s the thing, I’ve spent so many years putting as much between myself and even learning how to be in an emotionally intimate relationship with a man – financial worries, extra weight, career ambitions. That’s just the short list. Now, that all of my excuses are gone it occurs to me that maybe this is even the first time in my life that I am heading into the dating pool as just myself.

Nothing to prove, not looking for someone to fill a need and nothing I’m ashamed or embarrassed about this time. In other words, I can be myself and even find out what that means.

I can find out who I’d even like to date. I’m not sure I’ve ever asked myself that question. It’s a new day, it’s a new body, it’s a refurbished soul. More adventures to follow.

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